Ever wished that you knew someone
who felt the way you did or has gone through what you are
going through? We want to help you, Author and Romance
Strategist Tana Marie can
offer some insight. Her extensive background as a therapist
& counselor has afforded her the opportunity to hone her
unique talents into an impressive repertoire of interventions,
processes, lectures & seminars in the areas of relationship
enhancement, communication, numerous Spiritual subjects, personal
excellence & self-esteem. Click here
to read more about Tana Marie.
If you
have additional insight and comments for our guests or want
to ask Tana Marie for advice, please submit
your questions or comments.
Here are
questions from guests and relationship advice I've given.
| Q: |
My
boyfriend won't kiss me. We've been going out for 8 months
now and he said he isn't the type that likes to kiss.
I've already talked to him about it several times already.
I am the one to give the hugs and he is a wonderful guy.
I don't want to run from him, but would that be best?
I'm 16 and he's 18. Neither of us has been kissed.
Candice |
| A: |
Dear
Candice, Kissing is extremely intimate, fosters closeness
and is an integral part of a healthy love relationship.
The fact that your boyfriend won't kiss you is very significant.
Everyone has a meaning attached to giving and receiving
a kiss and you must find out what his is.
Do you remember the scene in the movie "Pretty Woman"
where Julia Roberts tells Richard Geer she won't kiss
him because it's too personal? That dynamic was extremely
significant, because it set the tone for their whole relationship.
Until she became emotionally attached to him, she wasn't
ready to kiss him, even though she was physically intimate
with him.
Your boyfriend has a block against kissing and until you
find out what it means to him, you two really won't have
a long-term future romantically. To begin the process
of discovering what his block is, here are a few questions
to ask him:
1. What does kissing me mean to you?
2. What are you afraid will happen if you kiss me?
3. What have you been told about kissing from your friends
or family?
4. Once you begin an honest dialog with him and get to
the root of the problem, you'll have the best chance of
healing this important issue in your relationship.
BTW, once you get through the block, try a "10 Second
Kiss." I promise you it will curl your toes! |
| Q: |
My
girlfriend is still not over her boyfriend before me and
I suspect that she is still seeing him. I love her so
much. I don't know what to do. Boyd |
| A: |
Dear
Boyd, If your girlfriend is still emotionally connected
to her ex-boyfriend, and you suspect she's still seeing
him, you are the one who stands to get significantly hurt.
She obviously is not completely dedicated to your romance
and is not giving 100% to developing a relationship with
you that will go thru time.
At this point you must take a hard look at your feelings
for this woman and ask yourself:
1. Why are you in love with someone who doesn't love you
completely?
2. Are you hoping you will "win her over" by being a great
guy?
3. If you wait long enough, will she "see the light" and
dump him?
4. Does she have a fear of intimacy and won't allow herself
to commit completely to one person?
Right now she is the one who is getting the best of both
worlds and is being extremely unfair to BOTH of you guys,
because she is not invested in either relationship.
Everyone deserves to have someone who loves him or her
completely, and you Boyd are no exception. Sit down with
her and let her know you will no longer stay in a relationship
with her if she doesn't resolve her feelings for him and
honestly decide whom she wants to be with. The longer
you let her play this emotional game of ping-pong, the
more pain you will be in, and that is unacceptable. |
| Q: |
I
have been fantasizing more and more about a man who works
in my office. This might sound silly, but he has become
my dream man. The problem is I don't think he even knows
I exist, but I'm falling in love with this guy and I haven't
even talked to him. What should I do?
Connie |
| A: |
Dear
Connie, Get a grip on yourself! Falling in love with someone
you haven't even talked to is emotionally dangerous for
so many reasons:
• You are projecting your concept/fantasy onto someone
who, in all probability, is completely different than
you think he is
• Allowing your emotions to run you so completely is dangerous,
because even if you two begin to date, you'll ignore any
Red Flags that pop up and stay in your fantasy relationship
rather than looking at the reality of the situation
• It is unfair to impose your expectations onto anyone
you do know, let alone someone you don't know – they'll
become angry and resentful trying to live up to your expectations
and feel like you never cared enough to get to know the
real person
• Almost everyone wants to be loved for who they are,
and coming into a relationship with a boatload of preconceived
notions and expectations built-up thru your fantasizing
is a surefire way to sabotage what may be a lovely relationship
Stop fantasizing about an unknown, and introduce yourself.
Begin by developing a friendship and get to know this
man as a person. If there is chemistry between the two
of you, you share common goals, values and you honestly
enjoy one another, then approach the topic of taking your
relationship to the next level. If you don't, you might
as well fall in love with a picture in a magazine, because
it will produce the same results. |
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