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Tana Marie's Monthly Romance Column and Love Tip Newsletter

By Tana Marie

WHAT IS HAPPILY EVER AFTER?

• Is your marriage beginning to crumble and you want to turn it around completely?
• Are you nervous about a new relationship because you want to make sure that this one works?

Keeping the Passion Alive! Falling More Deeply in Love Every Day! Experiencing the kind of love the write about in poetry and song – read on, because this is what I’m talking about today.

You’ve met the partner of your dreams, fell in love, pledged yourself to one another, and merrily skipped off into “Happily Ever After.” OK, so now what? What is Happily Ever After supposed to look like? What happens when something called LIFE occurs? You love your partner, but you might not be feeling as passionate about them as you once did - so what now?

So often people ask me what they’re doing wrong when this happens. Some common questions and comments I get are:
• I adore him, but I just don’t have the sexual desire I used to.
• How come we’re not as playful as we used to be?
• He used to be so romantic, now I can barely get his attention - is it ALWAYS going to be like this?
• If this is as good as it gets; I might as well be single!

What IS Happily Ever After? In part, it’s knowing you made the ideal choice romantically. It is feeling secure, content, happy, passionate and safe in your primary love relationship. It is being thankful every day that you have the partner you do. And lastly, it is living the dream, vision and goals that the two of you have created together. This is step #1

Well how do you do it? How you keep passion alive? Believe it or not, you can feel as passionate about your lover in 10 months or 10 years as you did at the beginning of your relationship. Yes, it’s true! In order to keep love alive and growing there is a little “care taking” that needs to happen on an ongoing basis. Now don’t worry, I’m not talking about a tremendous amount of work, just simple things that you can incorporate into your normal everyday life. These are attitudes, and behaviors that will keep your love life fresh, vital and always interesting.

APPRECIATION / NURTURING

I’m sure that some of you might be thinking that the area I’m going to start with is the bedroom - nope, not even close! As a matter of fact, the best way to keep passion alive in your relationship is to start well outside the bedroom. Men, here’s a huge tip for you - if you want to be intimate with your woman tonight, start by appreciating her this morning. One of the major complaints I hear from women all the time is that their mate ignores them all day long, isn’t the least bit demonstrative, and then expects her to be a Tiger in bed that night. Guys, this usually won’t happen. Women - I do hear similar complaints from men, not as often, but many men feel the same way.

Step #2 in keeping passion alive is simply showing honest and sincere appreciation for your partner. No! It can’t be that simple, can it? Actually YES it can. One of the major complaints I hear from both men and women is that they feel unappreciated, taken for granted, unimportant, and worst yet, figuratively or literally ignored by their partner. Now just for clarification here, in the context of today’s show I’m talking about essentially healthy relationships - not horribly dysfunctional or abusive ones - I’ll do that in a different column.

Appreciation - sincere, heartfelt gratitude for who the person is, what they’ve done for you, how they’ve enhanced your life, and simply just for being the person they are. I want to give you a process that you can do to help in the “Appreciation Department.”

This exercise is something I call the “NURTURING RECORD.” Nurturing and appreciation are actually the flip side of the same coin. Nurturing your partner is one of the best ways to foster love and intimacy. Too often people ignore the fact that we ALL need an ongoing experience of nurturing. The best way to express affection and acknowledgement is through your words and actions. The more of these elements that exist in a relationship, the more trust, love and closeness each person will feel. I promise you, the more you nurture and appreciate your partner, and the more it will pay off for both of you.

The Nurturing Record is quite simple; on a piece of paper list Monday through Sunday in a vertical column along the left side. Then horizontally write down the answers to these two questions for each day;
• How Have I Nurtured My Partner Today?
• What Were the Results?

You’ll be amazed at what happens when you start consciously paying attention to how and when you nurture your partner.

I realize we’re all very busy, and most likely you’re not going to do this on a daily basis, but if you put the NURTURING RECORD somewhere in plain view, like on the refrigerator or bathroom mirror, you will be much more apt to do this more often. Remember, human nature is such that we do more for someone who appreciates us, then for someone who doesn’t.

This little process is worth its weight in gold! You can use this at work, with your children, other family members and friends. Think of this as a grand experiment - begin to overtly appreciate everyone in your life and the quality of your experience with these people will heighten exponentially. Have fun!