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Tana Marie's Monthly Romance Column and Love Tip Newsletter

By Tana Marie

LIFE, OR SOMETHING RESEMBLING IT...

My sincere apologies for being so silent these past months, but Life has been happening with a vengeance! Although I've so missed connecting with you, several of my favorite activities had to be put on hold. I underwent another surgery, my dear Mother-in-Law passed away, and this was coupled with a myriad of other 'interesting' events, too Twilight Zone to mention...

But I am back and have never stopped my life-long mission of helping others create their dreams. I'm here for you and always will be.

So what do I want to pass along this Holiday Season? Simply, LIFE HAPPENS.

It really does... Good, Bad, Miraculous, Bizarre, Awe Inspiring, "What the Hell??" Life will continue to do what it has always done, serve up a bounty of mixed experiences, twists and turns, surprises and OMG's; all unlimited opportunities to select the life you truly want.

It's like a gigantic Cosmic Buffet: some things taste great, but aren't necessarily good for you; some things look weird, or taste strange, but ultimately are fabulous for your growth and evolution... Strange, huh? Why can't the things that deliver a taste bud orgasm always turn out to be the best choice? Ahhh, wouldn't that be paradise? But then, it is and can be...

"OK TM, you're speaking in paradoxes..." I can just hear you out there. Take heart dear friends, because there is a simple roadmap thru the Paradoxical Maze... honest!

Regardless of the roller coaster ride, we DO have something miraculous available to us at all times... CHOICE. How do you react, or more appropriately, respond, to what is happening?

There are so many adages regarding this very phenomenon: "Make Lemonade," "Fewer muscles to smile," "Shake it off," "Look for the Silver Lining," etc. It is not necessarily as important what happens as how you handle it. Well yes, of course, we'd ALL love a simple, easy, fluffy life, with a soft place to land at all times, right? But I've yet to meet anyone, regardless of race, color, creed, social-economic status, etc. that has had a perfect, Icky-Free life. (Don't 'cha just love my technical terms?)

I have counseled thousands of people over the years, and one thing has always amazed me - I have found three defining differences between the "winners" and "losers" at the Game of Life - Attitude, Gratitude and Response.

ATTITUDE

Have you ever known someone who seemingly has it all and yet falls apart when they break a fingernail or misplace the car keys? Conversely, someone who was from a dysfunctional background, has less than optimal resources, or has had ongoing challenges seems to have an almost PollyAnna-esque optimistic attitude?

What's the defining difference? Attitude. How do these positive people handle the bumps and twists that Life doles out every moment of every day? They have made it a habit to see ANY good, look beyond or above the negative situation, or find the gift in an otherwise monstrous event. They have considered the alternative, and consciously, habitually choose the higher path.

Here are two quotes from Albert Einstein that illustrate my point beautifully:

"The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them."

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction."

When some negative unexpected, or uninvited shows up, make it a HABIT to:

• First feel your feelings, good, bad or indifferent.
• Express them the way you need to; cry, rant, write, talk, jog... whatever works for you. (No law-breaking or destructive activities, please!)
• And then DECIDE that the situation DOESN'T have power over you. It is a TEMPORARY situation that WILL morph, change, adapt, or disappear depending on the time, energy and emotion you give it.

There are so many things that can blind-side you, so make yourself a promise - move thru the tough stuff faster by NOT dwelling on it. Look for solutions and make your game-plan, then prolong your pleasure by relishing it and dwelling on all the goodies.

GRATITUDE

What you think about expands, you get more of what you focus on, be grateful and appreciative - regardless of your circumstances... I know, you've heard all this before, and many of you have said, "but Tana Marie, I'm going thru Hell, how can I even think about being positive?" or "I hate him/her so much for the pain he/she put me thru, there's no way I can get happy about anything that just happened," or "My life is in shambles, show me the gift in that!!"

I hear you, I've heard you and I do feel your pain, but the defining difference, Part Deux, is Gratitude. Unmitigated, heartfelt Gratitude for something, ANYTHING that went well, was good, felt nice, worked... anything.

Every night before my husband and I fall asleep, the last thing we say to one another, (besides "I Love You"), is a minimum of 3 things that happened that day we are Grateful for. Some nights we can rattle off a litany of events, at other times we have to search for the 3...

This is one of the most powerful things you can do before you drift off, plant Gratitude, successes, happiness, and positive thots into your subconscious. You'll find you even wake-up in a better mood... honest!

Remember, as I mentioned before, what you think about expands? Well, if you do just this one simple thing, your subconscious will make that its mission - to find MORE things for you to be grateful for. Cool, huh? It will set-up more wins, find more positive surprises, and garner more support, so when Life Happens, you'll have a storehouse of Gratitude, (like a Gratitude Bank), to draw from to get you thru the rough spots. The larger the Bank, the easier it will be for you to sustain yourself thru any of Life's bumps.

RESPONSE

Linguists often speak about the difference between "Responding" and "Reacting" as a significant distinction, especially when it comes to decision-making.

The World Book Dictionary defines "Response" as an answer by word or act. "React" is to act back; have an effect on the one that is acting. "React against" is to act unfavorably toward or take an unfavorable attitude toward; act in opposition to (some force).

When you react to a situation, event or person, you usually do so from a less-than-powerful position. You know, when you have that knee-jerk reaction it is normally done without thinking. Now, while it's essential in cases that require a split-second decision, such as life or death situations, it isn't the best way to conduct 98% of your life. It comes from the Primal, survival instinct, and logic isn't always a part of the process. The old 'Oh God, what else could go wrong??' is a perfect example of reacting.

Have you ever gotten into an argument with someone because you reacted, without thinking, to something they did or said? How did you feel afterwards? The same can be said about how we treat the unexpected events that happen in our lives, you know, Life's bumps...

Responding is an ANSWER to what has happened. We usually draw from some logical, historical or knowledge base when responding. Now, I'm not saying it's infallible, but you'll come more from strength, power and love when you respond. YOU are in control of the situation, not vice versa.

Responding allows you to maintain a strong, optimistic persona, regardless of what Life tosses your way.

SO the next time you encounter one of 'those' times, STOP, take a deep breath, ask yourself, "What experience do I want to have?" and listen for the answer.

You'll find you will be happier, healthier and have a whole lot more fun, regardless of what happens 'out there.'

HAPPY HOLIDAYS DEAR FRIENDS

Blessings,
TM