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Tana Marie's Monthly Romance Column and Love Tip Newsletter

By Tana Marie

FINDING YOUR SOULMATE

Sheila excitedly called me one afternoon, proudly proclaiming she had finally met him, a wonderful man named Jeff, her soulmate. She was standing in line at the bank and accidentally dropped her paperwork. From behind her came a deep, resounding voice saying, “I’ll get that for you.” A chill ran down her spine because his voice sounded incredibly familiar. She turned around expecting to see a friend, and to her astonishment, saw a stranger. “This is odd,” she mused, “I could have sworn I knew him.”

After finishing her transaction, she felt compelled to wait at the door for him to finish. She just had to talk to him. They had a delightful, impromptu conversation and decided to go for coffee. Both expressed, to their delight and surprise, the uncanny feeling that they somehow “knew” one another. The recognition of one’s soulmate is, indeed, that delightful and can be that instantaneous.

Having stopped believing her soulmate existed, Sheila had developed a pattern of settling for unsuitable partners, men that caused her pain by offering her less than she expected and honestly needed. She never realized she could identify and request the essential characteristics necessary for her complete happiness. Sheila, like so many others, believed you accepted what came along and that love was supposed to “just happen.”

Just prior to meeting Jeff, Sheila had discovered the qualities she had to have in her ideal relationship The old adage, “You can’t get what you want if you don’t know what you want,” holds true even for love and romance. Realizing this, an amazing transformation had taken place within her. Radiating enthusiasm, expectancy, openness, and absolutely knowing she would have exactly what she wanted, Sheila drew her ideal partner, Jeff, into her life.

Some say if you become involved in activities you enjoy, you will have the best opportunity to meet your soulmate; while others tout online dating and writing the perfect single’s ad. I believe the first step in finding your soulmate is to define your wants, needs, dreams, and desires, and then to write them down. Honestly analyze your personality, goals, family expectations, friend’s attitudes values, challenges and strengths.

Get to know what will make you blissfully happy in your ideal love relationship. Once you do, your mind will become magnetic, attracting your soulmate to you more easily. I call this process the relationship “Love Map,” a guide for finding and recognizing that elusive partner.

When you’re healthy, prepared and open, you can meet your soulmate while standing in line at your favorite supermarket. You do not have to be dressed to the 9’s, say the most perfect opening line, play any type of game, or worry about being wonderful enough to attract Mr. or Ms. Right.

When your soulmate comes along, they will know you. They will see through the facade. They will see the beauty in your unmade-up face, and catch the glimmer in your smile that is more than faintly familiar to them. They have been searching for you as ardently as you have been searching for them!

One of the blocks that keep a person from finding their soulmate is an unconscious attitude or belief that they don’t deserve the ideal relationship. This belief is usually deep-seated, subtle and very powerful, destroying the individual’s hopes and dreams. It operates within the subconscious, usually without the knowledge of the owner, from a level called, the “Land of Diminishing Returns.”

The first step in overcoming non-deserving issues is to understand how someone enters the “Land of Diminishing Returns.” So often, when you are not receiving what you truly want, a subconscious issue about deserving, or actually, non-deserving exists. The subconscious has a belief you cannot have what you truly want, despite the effort exerted. A viscous cycle then begins, increasing in intensity; the more you try, the harder you work toward it, the more elusive the goal becomes. The more you give, the less you get back. It becomes a downward spiral and you plummet into the “Land of Diminishing Returns!”

This is an incredibly frustrating place to be. In the “Land of Diminishing Returns,” every time you try and don’t succeed at any endeavor, lose a relationship, fail at accomplishing a goal, etc. your subconscious gathers more evidence to support its case - “You just don’t deserve it.” Then the next time a similar situation is presented, such as a new relationship coming into your life, fear sets in and you bring less to the table. You become more guarded, less responsive, less communicative and less trusting, operating out of the fear of being hurt again.

Your subconscious knows, without a doubt, that you will not succeed this time because you did not succeed before. You may be presented with yet another opportunity and you bring even less to the table. Eventually, you feel all you bring into any new relationship is a beautifully wrapped, empty package. It has been “proven” repeatedly, you cannot have, do not deserve, and will not experience, your dreams. The “Land of Diminishing Returns” is a scary and frustrating place to be, because you will never get what you truly want.

These negative beliefs developed very early in life. Your subconscious will never prove you wrong; the more you believe the lies about yourself, the more evidence your subconscious gathers to support those negative beliefs. The prime directive the subconscious holds is to look for validation. Any belief you hold, despite how wrong it is, becomes “truth” to the subconscious and it will look to seek out validation, or evidence, for that belief.

If you believe the sky is pink with purple polka dots, your subconscious will somehow prove that fact through your own experience or reflection from others. When you have a belief operating like that, it doesn’t matter what you believe consciously, the subconscious will override it. For instance, someone could ask you if you deserved your most ideal love relationship and your answer could be a resounding, “Yes. Of course I do!” However, if your subconscious does not share that belief, you will not receive your deepest, heartfelt desire, despite the effort you put forth. This is the reason people don’t always receive what they want, regardless of the number of affirmations they’ve spoken or their positive thoughts.

Once you get into that downward spiral, it appears there is no way out. However, a healthy and direct path out does exist! Once you understand your negative beliefs and how they became incorporated into your life, you can change them. The resulting negative or painful experiences the subconscious had set up will disappear – they have to, because you have “exploded a negative myth about yourself” and there is no more “evidence” against you!

You must Eliminate inappropriate beliefs and replace them with healthy, life enhancing, positive attitudes about yourself and your future. Be sure to supplant the negative beliefs regarding trust, openness, love and communication with the absolute knowing that you will give your ideal relationship 100% of the beauty and exquisite essence within you.

One powerful technique is to listen to your self-talk to discover what your negative beliefs are. Negative beliefs will surface in statements such as, “He’s so handsome, he’ll never look at me,” or “She’s so hot, she’d never look twice at me!” These lies will find their way into your thoughts and actions. When you hear yourself saying these things, stop and immediately replace them with a positive comment such as, ‘“He seems like a great guy. I bet we would really get along,” or “She’s so warm and seems easy to talk to. Maybe I’ll take a chance and just say Hi.”

Continue to monitor your self-talk until you hear mostly positive statements about yourself and your world. This will signal that you have found your way out of the “Land of Diminishing Returns,” and into a more loving and positive place where all your dreams can come true.

Your soulmate does exist; the wondrous being that is the perfect reflection of who you are. This is the person you have been searching for, and they have been looking for you too! By eliminating negative beliefs, you can experience the ecstasy of knowing the love of your perfect partner.

Enjoy! Love is the ultimate journey!

This article contains excerpts from Isle Of Fantasies: Secrets For Creating The Love Of Your Life, a comprehensive workbook to guide you toward finding your perfect partner, by Tana Marie & Robert Misrack.