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Tana Marie's Monthly Romance Column and Love Tip Newsletter

By Tana Marie

Spring Fever

Birds do it, bees do it, even butterflies and squirrels do it… What is it? you ask. Why it’s falling in love! Spring fever is pervasive, compelling, irresistible – and it’s here for all of us to enjoy.

Enjoy? Well, possibly “partake in” is a better way to put it. So much occurs now: it’s the Vernal Equinox; the most romantic time of the year for many; a time of rebirth; and a time of release, i.e. our annual Spring Cleaning ritual.

So what’s all the fuss about anyway? As our sun races across the sky, the days become longer, the air warmer and, once again, life begins to return to the land. Twice a year, day and night become equal in length. Earth and nature are said to be in complete harmony.

The Spring or Vernal Equinox is a celebration of the rebirth of nature and brings with it the symbols of birth/rebirth. It is replete with traditional symbols and superstitions. In ancient times, this was the time when promises were made between lovers for the Handfasting Ceremony that would occur Midsummer. In a very real sense the ceremony was an expression of hope and trust in the new lives that would blossom in the warmth of summer.

For eons, Equinoxes were seasonal markers in which seeds would be planted and then harvested. The first of these, the Spring or Vernal Equinox occurs on or about March 20th.

As you can see, love, romance and promise have always been an integral part of it all. Nature “couples up” and you see evidence everywhere. So how do you take advantage of this amazing time of the year?

The best first step is not necessarily what you might think. It’s to engage in “Spring Cleaning” – this applies to both singles and couples. Because the Vernal Equinox is a time of renewal, in nature, in the home and for each of us personally, it’s more than just a physical activity. “Spring cleaning” removes any negative energy accumulated over the dark winter months and prepares us for the positive growing energy of spring and summer.

So let’s get to it!
• Clean out those closets; donate or give away clothes, knick-knacks, and other possessions you haven’t worn or used in far too long. (And, NO, you WON’T need them the minute you give them away!)
• Eliminate those mental cobwebs, negative thoughts, feelings and behaviors that don’t serve you. These little gremlins certainly aren’t producing the results you desire, so why keep them around?
• Do a thorough inventory of what is and isn’t working in EVERY area of your life. Be objective, honest and realistic – this is not the time to play games with yourself!
• Develop a game plan to experience more of the goodies you already have, implement the positive attitudes and behaviors you need to create that you don’t currently have, and – most importantly – eliminate those little gremlins that have been sapping your energy, joy, dreams and optimism. Important: These gremlins can show up as people, situations, inanimate objects or belief systems.

Secondly: Develop a clear picture of your ideal relationship.
• If you’re single, this is a wonderful exercise to prepare for a sustainable romance.
• If you’re married or in a long-term, committed relationship, this is the perfect time to examine and reassess where your relationship is and if you’re going in the right direction as a couple.

Thirdly: Enjoy and Appreciate all that you have already.
• As Mark Victor Hanson (Chicken Soup for the Soul), Sarah Ban Breathnach (The Simple Abundance Journal of Gratitude) and so many others have said, “an Attitude of Gratitude” and true appreciation are the cornerstones for creating the life of your dreams.
• If you can’t appreciate the gifts and treasures you currently have – large or small - you won’t really be able to attract more of the goodies. Why? Because what you focus on expands, and by appreciating your life now, you attract more to appreciate. Ignore the gifts and focus on what you don’t have, and guess what? You’ll have more of what you don’t have or don’t want. Get the picture?
• “If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is Thank You, it will be enough.” -Meister Eckhart

Lastly: Develop “Relationship Ground Rules”
• As long as we’re talking about Spring Cleaning and Appreciation, here’s an element that’s equally important. Simply put, “Relationship Ground Rules” are behaviors, attitudes, actions and language that are acceptable and unacceptable to you within the context of a love relationship. (Most people don’t even realize these exist, or if they do, they tend to compromise their values too often for the sake of the relationship.)

This exercise really works well if you write it down. Simply stated, your Relationship Ground Rules are what you WILL & WILL NOT accept. Divide them into four categories; SHOULD, MUST, ALWAYS, NEVER.

• Start by picturing a perfect world, and if you had your way, these are the rules that you and your partner would live by.
• We’ll start with “Should”; in the context of a love relationship what “should” your partner do? For instance should they squeeze the toothpaste from the end of the tube? Or should they always kiss you before they leave the house? Or the old toilet seat dilemma, should they always be considerate and adjust the seat accordingly???
• As you write down your list of “Shoulds,” also think about and write down your “Should Nots.”
• Secondly start thinking about and writing down your “Must” & “Must Nots.”
• And lastly, and most importantly, “Always” & “Never.”

The first level - Should & Should Not - is the “ANNOYANCE LEVEL,” because these are actions and behaviors that can annoy you and can put a strain on the relationship.

The second level - Must & Must Not - is the “CONFLICT LEVEL,” because these actions and behaviors can cause chaos and conflict within your relationship.

The last level - Always & Never - is the ‘VIOLATION LEVEL.” These are the supremely important issues/values to an individual. A “never,” when perpetrated, can and usually does destroy a relationship.

So dear friends, please take full advantage of this marvelous and magical time of year. Do your spring cleaning, appreciate your blessings, set-up your boundaries – if you haven’t already done so – and follow the advice of Mr. Frank Sinatra:

“Let's Fall In Love” (a love song sung by Frank Sinatra)

We might have been meant for each other
To be or not to be, let our hearts discover
I have a feeling, it's a feeling, I'm concealing, I don't know why
It's just a mental, sentimental alibi
But I adore you, so strong for you, why go on stalling?
I am falling, our love is calling, why be shy?

Let's fall in love
Why shouldn't we fall in love?
Our hearts are made of it
Let's take a chance, why be afraid of it?

Excerpts of this article can be found in “Isle of Fantasies: Secrets for Creating the Love of Your Life” by Tana Marie & Robert Misrack available @ http://www.passionisland.us/book.htm