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Tana Marie's Monthly Romance Column and Love Tip Newsletter

By Tana Marie

SURVIVING THE HOLIDAYS

As we enter the Holidays, the most magical time of the year, an interesting phenomenon occurs; everything we believe, fear, hope for and regret regarding family, traditions, memories, love, romance and life in general, awakens like a sleeping giant.

Have you ever noticed how many people are depressed during the Holidays? It's supposed to be the happiest of times, full of Norman Rockwell and Thomas Kincade-esque scenes of togetherness, good cheer and touching moments, all frosted with a touch of Disney magic.

Regardless of how it's "supposed to be" at this delicious time of year, so many people are struggling with emotional issues, especially regarding relationships. If you're single, there's added pressure to find a partner - NOW; if you're currently in a romance, it's the time to "preserve it at all costs", regardless if it's the right one or not. Certainly no one wants to go thru a break-up at the holidays!

The first and most important thing to do is remain true to yourself. If you stay in a bad relationship just because it's the Holidays, you'll feel lonelier than if you were single and creating your own special memories.

If you're in a good relationship, but feel pressured by unrealistic expectations and demands, now is the time to really communicate those feelings with your partner. Don't feel you'll "spoil the season" if you speak what is true for you. Those unexpressed, bottled-up emotions will bubble up and/or explode at the least opportune time, guaranteeing a ruined evening or event.

If you're single, don't try to hook-up with someone just for the sake of "having someone there" for the festivities. Those relationships rarely last and usually come crashing down around you when all the presents are unwrapped, the tree is gone and the "magic" becomes "normal life". Don't set yourself up to be hurt or disappointed in that way! Just live your life and if someone really special comes along, build the relationship as you would at any other time of year, without the added pressure and expectations the holidays can bring.

In order to make your holidays really fabulous, and ring in the New Year unscathed, regardless of your romantic status, the first thing to do is look at some of the causes of those old "Holiday Blues" and adopt as many of the solutions as you can.

According to www.safeusa.org, here are some of the reasons for the Holiday Blues and some very helpful solutions.

The Problem

Holiday blues can affect both men and women, young and old. Factors contributing to the holiday blues include:

• Increased stress and fatigue
  
• Unrealistic expectations
  
• Too much commercialization
  
• The inability to be with one's family

• Headaches
  
• Excessive drinking
  
• Over-eating or not eating enough
  
• Difficulty sleeping

• Establish realistic goals and expectations for the holiday season, and do not label the holiday season as a time to cure all past problems. The holidays do not prevent sadness or loneliness.
  
• Limit your drinking.
  
• Do not feel obliged to feel festive. Accept your inner experience and do not force yourself to express specific feelings. If you have recently experienced a tragedy, death, or romantic breakup, tell people about your needs.
  
• To relieve holiday stress, know your spending limit and stick to it. Enjoy holiday activities that are free, such as driving around to look at holiday decorations. Go window-shopping without buying anything.
  
• Express your feelings to those around you in a constructive, honest, and open way.
  
• Delegate. Don't try to do it all by yourself. People often want to help and to be involved. By breaking down tasks and doling them out to friends and family, everything becomes more manageable.
  
• Spend Some Time Alone. Some people love the energy and exuberance of big holiday parties and activities. For others, all of it is very taxing. If you find yourself getting a little anxious, take a breather. Find a quiet spot to relax and recharge your batteries.
  
• Let Go of the Past. Don't be disappointed if your holidays aren't like they used to be. Life brings changes. Embrace the future, and don't dwell on the fact that the "good old days" are gone.
  
• Don't Drink Too Much. It is easy to overindulge around the holidays, but excessive drinking will only make you feel more depressed.
  
• Give Yourself a Break. Don't think in absolute terms. You aren't the best cook in the world, or the worst. You aren't super mom, or the most horrible mother in the world.

Happy Holidays!