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Tana Marie's Monthly Romance Column and Love Tip Newsletter

By Tana Marie

The Sacredness of Love

Dear Friends,

With the horrific tragedy of Hurricane Katrina on the hearts and lips of most of the country these days, one recurring theme really resonates with me; every story coming out of the rubble, regardless of the unimaginable losses all those unfortunate people have endured, every person has expressed gratitude for the love of family and friends. Without love most of the survivors wouldn’t be here, without love, no one would have been saved, and without love, no one would even care.

But we DO CARE, because love is the one, universal, unifying force. We throw the word “LOVE” around, tripping off our tongues as easily as we say our names, and there is a sense it has lost it’s meaning. But in times like these, times of trial and strife, we realize how sacred and life affirming love really is! Love IS the answer, regardless of the question.

Witnessing the loss and tragedy of others intrinsically makes us honor and appreciate the love, gifts and life we are fortunate enough to experience. It gives us pause, a time to reflect on what is truly important. We certainly don’t need a tragedy to make us appreciate the blessings bestowed upon us, but it certainly makes appreciation more acute.

So here are a few questions for you to ponder:

• What are you grateful for?

• Who is a blessing in your life?

• If you’re single, who is currently in your life that makes life worthwhile?

• If you’re in a relationship, how is your life enhanced by your partner’s presence and what gifts do you give to them?

When you’re feeling blue, unloved, unimportant, or feel that love has let you down, analyzing your answers will definitely give you a different perspective. Expressing appreciation will always turn sadness into joy, apathy into acknowledgement and tragedy into hope.

Regardless of your present circumstances, there are always ways to enhance caring, romance or foster hope. The following is a list of some of the best ways I’ve found to do just that.

Secrets for Enhancing Love & Romance

• Every day, find something new to compliment your lover about – and make sure they feel your sincerity.

• Honestly communicate your feelings in a loving manner - one way is by always using “I messages” in all-important talks.

• Regularly review your goals and plans for the future with your lover to assure you’re on the same page and going the same direction.

• Develop hobbies and interests together that excites, delights and stimulates you both – this fosters closeness.

• While it’s important to develop projects together, be sure to maintain your own hobbies, interests and circle of friends – otherwise you will lose your individuality.

• Treat your partner as your most precious possession, your best friend and confidant - share your hopes and dreams with them always - this develops trust and intimacy.

• Honestly express your sexual needs and desires to your partner in a sensitive, appropriate manner - don’t expect them to read your mind – that’s completely unfair.

• Make time to spend relaxed, intimate moments with your lover on a regular basis, regardless of your schedule or other commitments - nothing is more important.

• Set-up regular “Relationship Reality Checks” to make sure each of you is getting what you want and need in your relationship.

• Acknowledge and express appreciation regarding each other’s contributions to the relationship. If they’re not contributing – talk about it!

• Address issues of concern at the time they occur - don’t start “Stacking” lists of offences until you have to explode to dissipate the energy - this will create devastating rifts in the romance.

• Define each person’s role in the relationship by expressing your expectations, role model patterns and beliefs regarding love relationships.

• Regularly review your values and goals within the relationship and NEVER compromise a highly held value for the “sake of the relationship” – no one wins in that case.

This brings-up one of my favorite sayings: “It doesn’t matter how much you love someone, it’s who you are when you’re with them.” Single or married, young or old, if you’re at your best when you’re with someone, then they are a blessing – family, friend or partner. If you feel angry, anxious, fake or need to protect yourself, than analyze the situation and make the appropriate changes.

You would be surprised how many people have told me they actually hate someone close to them – WOW! Life is too short and too precious to have anyone in your life that destroys a part of you. You deserve to feel loved, cherished and special. Period.

I’d like to conclude by sharing a beautiful sentiment with you. The following are Marriage Vows exchanged by a couple I had the privilege of marrying many years ago. I feel these vows represent the heart and soul of love, and are universal in their meaning.

Somehow you reach in and you touch my heart
Somehow you reach in and you touch my soul
When I look at you I see everything I could be

Somehow when you smile the day seems brighter
Somehow when you smile you melt my heart
When I look at you I see everything I should be

Eyes wide open looking at you
What can I offer you that you never seen?
Just take my hand don’t be afraid you will see

Somehow you reach in and you touch my heart
Somehow you reach in and you touch my soul
When I look at you I see everything we could be

Blessings to all of you who have been touched in any way by the Katrina Tragedy. May you feel the love and concern being showered on you by the citizens of this wonderful country and may your life heal and transform into something even more beautiful. Here’s praying for the Phoenix to rise out of the ashes – beautiful and triumphant.