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Tana Marie's Monthly Romance Column and Love Tip Newsletter

By Tana Marie

Avoid “The Land of Diminishing Returns” By Using Passion

“Passion is a rich, soulful emotion. Whether it makes you feel angry, excited, inspired, or brought to tears, passion is something that moves you in a very powerful way. Passion is an internal experience not an external event. Finding your passion means connecting your head with your heart; engaging that part of yourself that “feels” in a big, bold, spiritual way. For many of us, this is a challenge. Our busy, chaotic lives disconnect us from our feelings. And, when we act from this “numbed out” place, it’s impossible to connect with our passions.”
“Find Your Passion” By: Cheryl Richardson

The American Heritage Dictionary describes “Passion” as:
1. A powerful emotion, such as love, joy, hatred, or anger.
2. a. Ardent love.
b. Strong sexual desire; lust.
c. The object of such love or desire.
3. a. Boundless enthusiasm: His skills as a player don't quite match his passion for the game.
b. The object of such enthusiasm: Soccer is her passion.

I would like to add that it is the “Juice” of life – for many, it’s their reason for being! Because it is such a precious component in our lives, it should be nurtured, encouraged and reveled in. But if it’s so important, then why are so many people walking around seemingly with no passion, joy or enthusiasm for life or love? Why have they given up on the very thing that makes life worth living? The reason this happens for too many is “The Land of Diminishing Returns.”

But what on earth is that? Well, let’s examine it. Simply put, any time you love someone and that person hurts you, violates the relationship, or leaves you, you shut down, numb out and make a myriad of statements such as:

• “I’ll never be hurt like that again!”



• “No one will EVER get that close to me again!”



• “How could I have been SO BLIND??”



• AND a million more Never statements just like these!

Because of all this, the next time you fall in love, you don’t let yourself fall as fast, as far or as deeply. Fear of being hurt again, mistrust, disbelief, and loss of faith regarding love become emotional survival techniques. All of your “I’ll Nevers” feed and sustain “The Land of Diminishing Returns.”

Now you may truly desire a wonderful, loving relationship, or close friendships, but because of your past experiences you don’t trust as much, won’t open up, give as much of yourself, are more cautious - essentially you bring a lot less of yourself to the relationship table. When you let this syndrome run you, your life begins to be governed by fear. You start attracting partners and friends that abuse or take advantage of you and your fears become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Remember the old saying, “the first cut is the deepest”? That’s what the “Land of Diminishing Returns” is all about - you start to believe that the only way to survive emotionally is to allow yourself to become only 5%, 10%, or maybe 25% invested in any relationship, because then they can never hurt you the way someone else did in your past. The ironic thing about this syndrome is it’s insidious, continues to take your joy and optimism and convinces you that this is “the only safe way” to be involved with anyone.

The horrible Catch-22 about this situation is that when you numb your pain, you also numb your pleasure! Have you ever noticed how bland life becomes when you’re not playing full out? Joys become insignificant, dreams ignored and everything else seems as if you’re just going thru the motions. Any athlete can tell you the most serious injuries occur when they’re trying to be too cautious, start thinking too much, stop trusting themselves and their teammates or focus on past failures.

Want a fabulous example of passion and focus? Watch a child who’s attempting to do something for the first time - they’re 100% present, fearless, and usually master the activity in record time. The “Land of Diminishing Returns” takes that childlike joy, focus and presence away and you begin to live and love at an increasingly diminished level.

How you get out of it? How do you escape “The Land of Diminishing Returns”? Forgiveness and Passion. In my experience the most effective way to start living & trusting again is by entering each new relationship with a clean slate. Forgiveness creates that clean slate by eliminating the need to punish your current partner or friend for the sins of the last one. (For more info about Forgiveness, check out my Romance Column regarding how to free yourself from pain by Forgiving.

Passion keeps hopes and dreams alive, while giving you the enthusiasm or “juice” to create and live the very thing you’re passionate about. So find what ignites passion in you and do everything you can to incorporate those things into your life on a regular basis. As far as I’m concerned, that’s the only way to live!

In closing, I’d like to leave you with a quote from an article written by Paula Peterson:

“If we want to slow the aging process, if we wish to put life into our lives, then passion is the key. To be deeply stirred, to be moved, to be called, to be enthused about some thing - that is passion. From passion springs aliveness. From aliveness springs inspiration and even greater expressions of creativity. Dare to be passionate.”